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weight gain you make me sick...

The last time I was on here it was a good 2 years ago and I'm still the same old weight concious purging starving binging self, joyyyy.
To start xmas I dont even want to mention about but I went mad eating the goodies and not being able to do anything about it as I was at my boyfriends, I was certain to go back to my old ways tho as I'v recently been purging the bad things I'v been eating as my family eat the worst type of foods going full of fat and sugar and the bad shit, plus I'v got crappy hours for work atm so I'v not had the money to buy the healthy low cal foods I would normally eat and feel comfortable with.. Despite purging all I can I'v put the fat on its disgusting so strict rules this week of fasting all together.
This cycle really sucks.
Hope your all doing alot better than me!
SS xxxxx

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well today, i was worried about bcos i was planning to weigh myself (got no scales atm) so went to the chemist which calculated everything i needed to know
main thing i was thinking about rly..

so my STATS.. (have no GW yet i will figure 1 out soon tho xo)
H - 5' 6
CW - 119lbs
B.M,I - 19.1

so not so bad :)
the bmi charts say im very nearly underweight :D!! im rather happy
what do u girls think? x

jade does lu all xxxoxooxo

Hiya girls :) so as the skegness trip is getting closer and closer.. i am seriously worried about it because we have this big indian night UGH and my mum has found out about my ED shes going to expect me to eat alot and more!! i hate it! :/ the worst thing is i dont know the amount of calories in the foods and it sounds like all fatty dishes. Except 1 healthy option Fish Curry but i dont think its any less 
omg what can i do.. do i wrap some of the food up in a tissue and dispose of it afterwards? or eat and purge? anyone have any tips or options i could do please?
There is seriously NO way i am eating like i did when i was fatter, i havent  come this far to mess up now

Any help? please ty :) xx


happyyyyyyyy :'D

WOW omg i seriously cant remember the lasttime i posted on here :O shocking! too too too long
anyways i just HAD to say this! 
im so so happyhappy :D yeah erm.. to the point basically i check my body everyday (hm maybe a bit obsessive idc) but today.. i looked and
OMFG my ribs stick out MUCH more than they used to and my hip bones too some clothes are literally hanging off me :') and on top of that my thighs have shrunk sooo much.. im like so so proud of myself and im going to DEFINETELY keep it up :) iv stuck to the MAX 800cals a day.. atleast i think i have unless i have miscounted.. i hope not
anyways bcos i havent got any scales (my mum wont buy them :/) and shes found out about my ED ugh :/
im going to weigh myself tomorrow at the chemists and be fearless bcos i KNOW i have had to of lost SOME weight
i seriously feel amazing right now :'D
cant wait for tomorrow now!! :)

party night ;)

B - 1 small slice of thin crust pizza - 230cals HOLY SHITT!! thats alot :/

- 1 cup of tea with semi-skimmed milk(about a quarter of a glass) obviously no sugar - about 35-40cals not sure argh hate that :@
D - il be getting out of.. i hope bcos of the party il just tell my parents there will be food there eurgh which there will be :/ even if i ate something small il be sure to dance it off.. no more than that tho il really feel the guilt and itl result in forcing myself to purge otherwise which i dont really want to do.

il let u all know how i get on either tonight or tomorrow, wish me luck



urgh ate during the night AGAIN i need to stop doing that.
Thats the time where i really start to crave :/ not good and i got told if u dont eat above 800-1000 cals ur body goes into starvation mode bla bla heard it all before and starts to eat itself and store as much fat as it can which i think might be true hm dunno :s
2 cookies - 112cals
1 mint chocolate viscount (i know FAILLL) - 77cals i think.. i know it was 70 something lol
so 660 + 5(diet coke) + 77 EURGHH
T = 854 over the MAX amount i said to myself i would not have!
damn FAIL FAIL!!!!


finally back on track!!

B -  2 slices of white bread - 200cals 1 slice of chicken - 35cals = 235

L - 1 cookie - 46cals muller cherry yoghurt 175cals (i think bcos 100g of it is106cals and altogether it was 175g, just a rough estimate..)
D - half of a whole thin crust pizza - 404cals (the other stuff was REALLY fattening and tons of calories!
lowest cal meal i could find :/) and bottle of diet coke that im drinking now keeps ur belly full yay 1 cal ;) i love it<3

i think i burnt off about 200cals from doing the stairstepper high intensity for 15 mins :)

T - 660cals yay still below 800, so im happy ;)

andd i tried on my dress that im wearing tomorrow for a party (which i will be having no food and HOPEFULLY NOT tempted by snacks o dear :/ if i do i will just force myself and purge i cant fuck up now! so wish me luck on that 1 haha xx)
anyways i tried it and it was loose on me around my chest and waist WOOP:D!
So overall iv had a cheerful day :)

lu all xoxo

27th august im going away to skegness for 4 days which i am excited about cos its my cousins wedding :) and plus theres a theme park with those big rollercoasters so should be really good.

2 things:
Theres a big indian night :/ and im gonna be watched when i eat.. but then again i dont have to eat it all or il just say i feel sick or got stomach ache normally works. :) 
Then theres exercise i wont be getting as much as i do at home especially where i do the stairstepper and i wont have 1 there :(
but for situps and crunches il have to do them in the bathroom (i cant exercise when people are watching me tbh i hate it)

and i will NOT put on any weight while being there, bcos i know il be expected to eat alot my cousin and her bf think im skinny (dunno wth they see then :s) and want me to eat as much as possible 
HA fat chance of that happening ;)

il just keep myself occupied and try not to think about food
wish me luck x


much better day :)

Well had a lift today and not so down on myself as i was this morning, eurgh was in the worst mood x[
but now iv perked up iv had my hair done short and layered and i love it :D!!
Anyways how today went starting with food..

B - Full bowl of cereal = 345cals and added milk :( cant really tell how many is in the milk but i would say.. 400cals altogether including the cereal ofc :/

L - 2 ice jubblies = 60cals Rio juice drink = 64cals

D -  N/A lucky escape! hehe :DD

E - Not much today, 60 situps this morning, 20 min powerwalk (burning 100-150cals.. apparently, i just do inbetween so i would say 125cals) eurgh.. DEMOTIVATED atm :( will have to get back on track! i guess it was mostly to do with me feeling so shitty this morning
T - 399cals wayyy below 800cals which was my plan for this week yay! :)

Tomorrow i hope i can do aswell as i have today
wish me luck girlz xox

SS xx


sore subject :/

OMFG im so disgusted in myself, i was fine for the day only had a diet coke and a small box of popcorn chicken bcos i was out with my friends and they were asking why i wasnt hungry and why i wasnt eating alot so i had to seem convincing that i did eat enough but i wasnt even hungry i was pass that stage after feeling shaky and weak wtf is wrong with me!? i feel like iv put on 3 stone!!

FFS i need to be stronger! i NEED to resist, i rly thought i had it in me!! i was so convinced i could do it i think the nights are the worst for me tho when i try to steer myself away from food especially when iv been restricting more than i should during the day i HAVE to take control! i need to be motivated again

Today iv had breakfast i just woke up and ate it without thinking bcos i was that down with myself i just thought "fuck it, cant get anyworse.." EURGH i hate this x[ NO LUNCH HARDLY ANY DINNER AND EXERCISE EXERCISE EXERCISE HAS TO BE THE PLAN FOR TODAY!!

sorry for the ranting :( x

well on the positive side i get my haircut today,gonna be shoulder-length with layers and a side fringe :)

updates soon girls stay strong

:) xx